I’ve been working in early childhood education for years and have read countless books about children, social emotional development, behaviors, early learning and discipline but as my husband and I prepare to welcome our first child in early March I find myself reading these books with a different lens. In particular when I picked up Kim John Payne’s The Soul of Discipline, it changed my viewpoint yet again as an early childhood educator but also as a soon to be parent.
The Soul of Discipline follows Payne’s first book Simplicity Parenting (also a great choice!) and hones in more specifically on what children’s behavior is actually telling us and how as parents we can find a balance between being nurturing or caring and at the same time set firm boundaries that our children actually need. Payne helps the reader view children’s behavior for what it truly is; a communication to us about what they really need. All too often, as adults, we take children’s behavior personally, view it as bad or acting out, as something they have control over and we react with all the emotion that it just stirred up in us. The Soul of Discipline helped me to see children’s behavior as their way to communicate to me. They may be saying they feel lost or disoriented in the current situation, they may be sharing an emotion they are feeling such as sadness, frustration or even happiness, they may be asking for time and connection with me. Children communicate all of this to us through their behavior. The trick is to stay calm, use Payne’s book to decipher what my child is truly asking for and then, most importantly provide that to them consistently.
Payne’s writing is easy to follow and full of examples from early childhood to teenagers that the reader will certainly find relatable if they have spent any time with children. Throughout the years I have had several experiences where I have come across new knowledge that has changed my perspective and therefor changed the way in which I act with the children in my life. Reading this book was one of those moments. While all the challenges of parenthood lie just a couple of months in front me, I am so grateful to have this new perspective and practice and recommend this book to all parents out there.